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Episode #111 — What do you really want? with Hilary Silver

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As moms, daughters, friends, and wives, sometimes we all get pulled in so many directions by all of our different relationships that we can lose sight of ourselves and what we really want, both in the moment and in long game of our lives. This can look like everything from chronically saying “I don’t know, whatever everyone else wants is fine with me” to looking around at your life one day and realizing that you aren’t anywhere you ever really wanted to be. Your emotions, your reactions, your anxiety, your jealousy, your feelings about the things you encounter, these are clues you can use to find your way back to you so you can start to honor all of the relationships in your life by honoring the one you have with yourself first. This is the kind of work that Hilary Silver does. Hilary transitioned from brick and mortar counseling work to working online as a relationship expert and empowerment coach, both one on one and with groups, so she could reach more people who struggle both with their relationships with others and their relationship with themselves.

Here are a few tips from Hilary.

  1. You can’t have what you want in your life and your relationships if you don’t know what that is and how to go after it and get it. A lot of people (moms anyone?) spend so much time taking care of everyone else around them that they lose touch with themselves so much that they don’t actually know what they want anymore. So tip one is to figure out what you want. Need help? Go on to tip 2.
  2. Observe yourself. Watch yourself watch TV. What movies or commercials make you well up with tears or laugh out loud? What makes you angry or jealous? How do you feel when you watch shows about politics. Your emotions are your clues to the things that are most important to you.
  3. If you don’t know what you want and don’t ask for it, you end up feeling resentful and being unhappy. Once you learn your truth, learn how to speak it effectively without cutting people off or alienating the people who aren’t used to you speaking your truth yet. Baby steps.
  4. If you feel resentful you haven’t said something you want to say, or you are doing something you don’t want to do, or you aren’t doing something that you do want to do. You have control over what you say and what you do. You are responsible for making the changes required to get what you want and what you need in life. Say the things you want to say and do the things you want to do!

To find out more about Hilary visit her website at www.hilarysilver.com or follow her on social media

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Resources

5 Love Languages of Children

111 - What Do You Really Want with Hilary Silver

Hilary is a Relationship & Intimacy Expert and Master Coach. She is the founder of Hilary Silver Coaching & Consulting, and the creator of lifestyle brand Hot, Healthy Happy, which teaches LOVERS how to have more intimacy, connection, and satisfaction in their relationships so they can keep their love and passion alive for the long term.

With 15 years of experience as a licensed couples therapist, she has worked with thousands of clients on issues such as launching healthy relationships, communication and conflict, infidelity, intimacy, sex and lasting passion.

 

Episode #77 The Accidental Author with Danielle Watson

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Today I am pleased to have, for the second time, Danielle Watson, the creator of The Purse Process and the Pocket Muse, and author of the new book, Dear Self, I Love You! Keep Going!: 365 Inspiring Notes from My Bittersweet Year of Heartbreak and Healing.

Danielle Watson has had a lifelong dream to be an author.  In 2016 she did just that, however, the circumstances upon which she wrote her first book were nothing that she could have imagined. It was in fact, almost accidental…

Flash back to 2015, a mere 48 hours prior to her departure to give a Ted Talk, Danielle received divorce papers taped to her front door.  She decided to put her big girl panties on and kept going.  She found a way to get the support she needed to get through that very important event in her life.

A few weeks later, reality had set in, and she wondered how she was going to get through this difficult time.  She did what she could to stay positive, and take care of herself.  One day, on her soon-to-be ex-husband’s 40th birthday, she saw her reflection in the mirror, and realized she was still living her life, and still had a sparkle in her eyes.  Her pride in herself led her to post about her feeling in Facebook, like a sticky note to self, and people started to respond to it in a big way, calling her an inspiration.  

As a form of self-care, she decided to write a post every day for a year.  In January 2016, while revisiting one of her post from a year prior, she finally realized that her series of posts could become something more.   And so was the birth of her first book, Dear Self, I Love You! Keep Going!: 365 Inspiring Notes from My Bittersweet Year of Heartbreak and Healing.

Danielle shared that she has plans to create a tear away calendar, fridge magnets from the most special notes and eventually a hardcover version of her book in the near future.  In addition, she plans to write a memoir of the stories behind the notes that led to the writing of this book.

Danielle has closed down the Purse Process and the Pocket Muse, and now has a daily Facebook Live Show called The Danielle Daily, which airs every weekday at 3 p.m. EST.  With the goal of helping people to think of themselves in a more positive way, attendees will find something positive, inspiring and powerful.    

Danielle Shares Her Message Here  

Speak more kindly to yourself, love yourself, embrace life, and no matter what, keep going!  In moments when life feels the hardest, there’s an easy decision to make: continue to criticize ourselves for our failings, or open ourselves to the possibility that, yeah, we’ve made (and will continue to make) mistakes, but we just might be lovable anyway.

Quotes 

  • “I think it is a pretty amazing feat to almost accidentally write a whole book”  – Jen Turrell
  • “We’re the only person who is going to be with us throughout our life” – Danielle Watson
  • “Sometimes we just have to be able to soothe ourselves”  – Jen Turrell
  • “There is a lot we can do by taking actions to affect positive outcome”  – Jen Turrell

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Danielle WatsonDanielle Watson is a TEDx Speaker, Author, and host of the LIVE Danielle Daily Show where she provides her positive, inspiring, and powerful Notes to Self to people seeking freedom from self-critical thoughts. Her book, Dear Self, I Love You! Keep Going!: 365 Inspiring Notes from My Bittersweet Year of Heartbreak and Healing serves as a reminder to her global fan base that even when life feels painful or hard, you are stronger, braver, and more powerful than you think, and no matter what you have done or will do you are worthy of your own love.

Episode #74 The Two Week Wait Challenge with Lindsay Fischer

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This week on Financial Fluency, I am so excited to have my first ever returning guest, Lindsay Fischer! Lindsay is here to speak with us about her new book, The Two Week Wait Challenge, so you know what that means: this is a book club episode! The Two Week Wait Challenge is a book of daily self care for women hoping to conceive and dealing with the high stress (read: trauma) of the two weeks between possible conception and the first time they could possibly know for sure whether or not they are pregnant. Lindsay is in the midst of her fertility journey right now and provides this book as a balm to other women from someone who knows.

Our conversation also covers the true costs of IVF: mental, emotional, financial and physical, and the other options available for couples looking to have children in these times. Lindsay Fischer is a trauma-tested author who writes about her own experiences to help others feel less alone. A former English teacher and dance coach, a domestic violence survivor, and – now – a seemingly infertile Myrtle, she refuses to be silent about the things that change our lives. For her, those issues are domestic violence and infertility.

Quotes 

  • “[The Two Week Wait Challenge] is a way to feel good about yourself during a time when you probably don’t.” – Lindsay
  • “Trama is trauma, and for women who are given an infertility diagnosis, it is as stressful as getting a cancer or HIV diagnosis.” – Lindsay
  • “In this whole process, there’s disappointment, there’s heartbreak, and there’s frustration, especially when you are throwing the kind of money that you are at it because people assume it’s so expensive because it definitely works.” – Lindsay
  • “Adoption is not off the table, but the further we’ve gotten into looking at all of our financial options [for children], adoption is just as expensive.” -Lindsay
  • “I already feel like I’m mothering, I’m mothering that embryo.” -Lindsay

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Resources

Here are Lindsay’s Books:

The Two Week Wait Challenge: A Sassy Girl’s Guide to Surviving the TWW

The House on Sunset

Lindsay’s Website

lindsay-fisherLindsay Fischer is a trauma-tested author who writes about her own experiences to help others feel less alone. A former English teacher and dance coach, a domestic violence survivor, and – now – a seemingly infertile Myrtle, she refuses to be silent about the things that change our lives. For her, those issues are domestic violence and infertility.

To connect with Lindsay, check out her website, her Facebook page, her Twitter, and her Instagram.